working from home

So China wants the foreigners out after Tibet. They couldn't handle that situation properly, got a lot of flak (rightly deserved) from the rest of the world, and want to do everything they can to avoid anymore during the Olympic Games in Beijing. It's harder to get visas, or should I say much harder to extend visas within China. China says: If you're not bringing something to the table, beat it. Young guys like me with minimal work experience are among the first on the chopping block.

Starting this week I've been working at home in my living room. Hunched over, unmotivated, and very fucking lonely. I see the nice weather on the outside, and feel angry at the situation that has left me a prisoner in my apartment. Whoever said working from home is great never had awesome colleagues at work.

One thing this has done is give my life a much slower pace than the past few weeks, and ultimately a chance to reflect on a very big decision I made. At this moment, I'm writing because I'm alone, scared, and kind of unhappy. I thought maybe I was getting off this emotional aysmptopic (that a word?-it is now) roller coaster that I've been on for as long as I can remember. I want to get off it. I feel like such a damn child, not able to stick with my decisions or maintain a semblance of will.

I'm partied out, again. I feel unclean from the inside, there is no washing away the sins possible. Something spiritual is in order...a trip to a temple or mountain or a conversation with an old person. My body hurts from the alcohol I drank last night, the poison ruining my mind and morals. I feel like I need to get out of Shanghai.

All of this i just thought of in the span of the last ten hours. Monday I was loving Shanghai and my lifestyle Maybe I need some sleep..

Oh yeah...I forgot I have to go back to the living room and finish up a lot of work I chose to ignore during the day. Fuck.