Walk with Headphones on (something old I found)

Building a cresecdo with steps that align with bass and tune.

Afraid to take off headphones and listen to the dead silence of reality.

Knee creaking reminds me of mortality and I reflect again.

Lost to my own reflections.

But I’m getting better.

I wrote that letter as a goodbye to you, and to me (the old me you hated and I hate now but not the oldest me that was raised the right way)

23 and just learning not to look at people like supermarket shopping.

23 years and I can be friends with a girl and not want to use people. What’s the discount, the opportunity cost, the quality, the brand, and how useful?

Feeling at home in a place that can never really accept me as one of the family. Do I like that? Or did I just run out of options back in my real home?

Seeing images that turned my heart and gripped my fingers. Wanting to see these everyday to make me understand I had to change. Learning to do it myself from the inside. But those images still freeze my thoughts and shatter my complaints.

Not worrying about doing it myself, cherishing what I have instead. Realizing it’s ok to rely on others, to be ignorant sometimes, and to fail. Realizing that I have been helping people for most of my life and it makes a difference.

Just a little, beat by beat, it can grow into some symphony of happiness before it all slows down. But I’m not worried about time or the future.

23 years young and I think I am finding myself in a big way. Didn’t you always wish for this, David? Tears welling in your eyes not because you’ve had a drink or two, or made up with your girlfriend, or met a new girlfriend, or thought longingly about family or thought with a mixture of pity and protection about Megan or someone less fortunate than yourself. Stop myself and realize the music is so big. Maybe I can blame the music pulsing in my ears and giving me pause to accept the fact that this is just another “living in the moment” virtuoso that once again I will forget and later on forgive myself when I write another one.

No. I really have to believe it. This time. Simple life is something I can do. Complicated life is something I can do too, because I have some simple rules to live by. Loyalty, listening, patience, holding the ego in check, loving, spending time with those I love not those who fit the bill. Looking outside my window. Writing. Reading.

I’m a lone wolf, not a wolf but a rabbit who needs people now more than ever. But I sure can dream a lot by myself. That’s where I need to be, beautiful places that are merely a flight, train, bus, taxi, bike ride, walk, two steps away. Disconnect when I can, but accept the fact that I have bad habits. Those can only be changed with some patience. And if they don’t’ change happiness can still be achieved. I ramble on until I stop.