When the good ones go, you feel it.

The past couple of weeks has been a bit of a transformation in Shanghai life for me (more on this in another post). The short of it is I am more happy here in Shanghai than I have been in a long, long time.

Part of it is working full time instead of bumming full time, another part is that the weather is getting warmer. Yet another part is that the friends I have here are not just going out, clubbing buddies. They are people I feel i can talk to, chill out with, and who I care about.

Last thursday one of my faves, I call him Randolph, came back from Singapore for a visit. He has been staying at our house. His energy, passion, and good nature really made me realize how much I liked him. Our interests are very similar. Back during my first semester at Jiao Tong, we had a lot of moments where we shocked each other because of this. Our styles couldn't be more different, he's loud, dyed, and will start cursing at you once he gets your name. I'm quiet, diplomatic, and am uncomfortable crossing many boundaries with people I don't really know. He is very Chinese/Singaporean (duh): career driven, ambitious, and with a desire to better himself. He once twisted his face when i talked about my future dreams for myself.

"I could see myself on a farm. Maybe a remote area where I could write. Either of those, or some kind of work involving helping people..." I had said semi-absentmindedly. His sharp reply came as a snap:

"Fucking American! Too much time spent in your idealistic bubble dreaming of bullshit."


Despite our different opinions on success and value, I felt a kinship with him that is hard to find. We shared Warhammer, Fallout, martial arts, physical training (to the point we and KC formed the Spartans), dark and twisted stuff (no not S&M), and a bunch of other nerdy/weird hobbies.

His time spent with us makes me wish he was back in Shanghai permanently; he is a very good friend who gets pleasures out of the simple things. I do not know what exactly he is doing back in Singapore, but I know he is hard working and this little, simple vacation back here in Shanghai has been great for him.

The night before he left, our good friend K. Masters, who has lived in Shanghai for almost 3 years, announced he had decided to go back to the Boston and study music production. He had thought long and hard about his decision, and told us it had come like an ephiphany to him the night before. He said that everything was clear for him, and that for the first time in months he was excited about moving forward with his life, and getting out of the endless swirl that Shanghai all too often becomes for expats.

While congratulations were on all of our lips, the feeling in the room was palpabally sad. We had been expecting him to maybe make the choice to go back home to the States, but when it comes it is hard to take. K. Masters is one of the nicest guys I've ever met, maybe even nicer than me. He has a beautiful, loving girlfriend, a great knowledge of drinking games, and a Wii. I am glad to have met him and wished he could stay. But no friend has the right to stand in the way of someone's goals and passions. I think we spend enough time searching for ourselves in these years, wondering where our potential should go or why the hell we studied international relations. He has found his, and I'm happy for him.

When you come to Shanghai, you meet a lot of friends. You party, you make new friends. You go to bars, to class, to dinners, you make more friends. Then they leave, and you are shellshocked a little. This happens a few times and you become wary of newcomers. You find a job, hang out with those who have chosen Shanghai for the medium-long term, and become close to them. They become more than drinking buddies or hunting parties or All-u-can-Eat Japanese comrades in arms. You start to feel like Shanghai is your home.

And then they leave, too.

In this city where stasis is a virtual impossibility for us, we all wonder regularly: "What am I doing here?"